Kathy McAfee, Professional Speaker & Executive Presentation Coach - America's Marketing Motivator



Kathy McAfee, Professional Speaker &
Executive Presentation Coach
Let's Talk. 860-371-8801 or Email me
Kathy McAfee, Professional Speaker & Executive Presentation Coach - America's Marketing Motivator
Kathy McAfee, Professional Speaker & Executive Presentation Coach - America's Marketing Motivator

Kathy McAfee, Professional Speaker &
Executive Presentation Coach
Let's Talk. 860-371-8801 or Email me
Kathy McAfee, Professional Speaker & Executive Presentation Coach - America's Marketing Motivator
Kathy McAfee, Professional Speaker & Executive Presentation Coach
Kathy McAfee, Professional Speaker & Executive Presentation Coach
Let's Talk. 860-371-8801 or Email me

Stop interrupting

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INTERRUPTING:  Is it a good thing or a bad thing? Is it a communication misdemeanor, or a clever strategy to dominate the conversation? Does it foster productive conversations, or does it lead to arguments, distrust, and disrespect?

We’ve certainly seen a lot of interrupting lately in the Presidential debate series. The Vice Presidential debate held on October 4th was also one big interrupt-fest. There were several moments during the VP debate when all three participants–Republican Mike Pence, Democrat Tim Kaine, and the moderator Elaine Quijano–were talking at the same time, each attempting to wrest control of the conversation. Time magazine posted an online article after counting the number of interruptions. Here’s what they had to say:

“Counting the interruptions is the break-out spectator sport of 2016 debate coverage, and the scores are all over the place. ABC’s Ryan Struyk counted 70 times when Kaine interrupted Pence, compared to 40 times that Pence interrupted Kaine. The site FiveThirtyEight came up with slightly higher figures for both. It is probably safe to say that most viewers came away with the impression that Kaine was more apt to butt in on his opponent than the other way around. Curiously, our analysis, which relies on the Congressional Quarterly transcript of the debate, actually came up with a higher count for Pence than Kaine, including times that either candidate interrupted the moderator.” (source: http://time.com/4519725/mike-pence-tim-kaine-interruptions/)

 

“People don’t like to be interrupted. And your credibility may be hurt if you respond rudely when someone interrupts you.”

–  Barbara Pachter, author of The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat and Tweet Your Way to Success

Why do people interrupt each other so much?

I’ve asked this question to a number of people. A common response was “because we are afraid that we’ll forget something.” Kind of a “say it before you forget it” strategy for short-term memory loss.

Depending on the situation, there may be any number of reasons why people interrupt others:

  1. Accuracy – need to correct misinformation before it’s adopted as truth
  2. Clarity – some people don’t get to the point and ramble on for too long
  3. Power some people feel a need to dominate the conversation
  4. Narcissism some people love the sound of their own voices
  5. Personality  – some people “talk out loud,” and find it energizing to talk over people
  6. Safety– averting disaster (as in, “honey – look out for that car…”)
  7. Poor listening skillssee below

Opposite of Talking - High ResListening with a busy mind

When we listen with a busy mind, we allow ourselves to become distracted by our own thoughts instead of focusing on the person who is speaking. Here’s what can happen when you listen with a busy mind:

  • Popping Corn:  you’re so preoccupied that your thoughts jump around like popping corn kernels.
  • That Reminds Me:  You come in with a story of your own, instead of maintaining your focus on the other person.
  • Preparing Your Case:  You’re mentally preparing your argument against what the other person is saying.
  • Sampling: You tune in only to information that applies to you or that you can use, and ignore the rest

How often in your business meetings, team meetings, or home conversations do these types of “listening” happen?

Building Productive Relationships  This is my new communication skills program that I will be offering.  In this program, listening is addressed as a leadership skill. Created by The Performance Architect, Leesa Wallace, this class addresses the problems of ineffective listening, and how it routinely damages working relationships, and exacerbates conflicts at work and at home. Leesa refers to Level 1 listening as “pretending to listen,” while waiting for your turn to talk. Interrupting happens when people get tired of waiting and can’t help but assert themselves verbally. In fact, most people aren’t really listening, they are simply waiting for their turn to talk.

Are you a chronic interrupter?

Barbara Pachter - BOOK COVER on business etiquetteI consulted the expertise of Barbara Pachter, internationally renowned business etiquette and communications expert. Barbara has written a number of excellent books. Here’s an excerpt from her book – The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat and Tweet Your Way to Success (used with permission)

Do you catch yourself mouthing the words you think the other person in the conversation is going to say? Do you finish the speaker’s words just to move the conversation along?

If you answered yes to either of these questions, you may be an interrupter.

People don’t like to be interrupted. Nor do they like to be excluded from a conversation, or to have their contributions ignored. Your credibility may be hurt if you respond rudely when someone interrupts you. There are five options to try if you are interrupted – that is, if you are sure that you aren’t a conversation hog. 

1. Let it go 

2. Continue speaking 

3. Say something 

4. Wait until the interrupter has finished speaking, then continue 

5. Confront the person privately

If you see something, say something.

It takes discipline to stop interrupting. For some people, interrupting has become part of their communication style. And that’s a bad thing. It may take an intervention to help them to become aware of their bad habit. They may need help understanding how it is damaging their relationships, getting in the way of productive work, and corroding the culture of the team or organization.

Don’t allow rude interruptions to be tolerated in your team meetings. Call it out when you see it. Phrases such as, “Let her finish her thoughts.” or “Enough interruptions already.” Or “Can you hold your comments until I am finished, please.” Or “Your interruptions are not helpful, please stop.” Or  simply,”Stop.”

What we are seeing in the Presidential Debate series is not the model of communication and civility that we want to replicate in our work places. It’s time to put a stop to the interruptions.

 


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