I just returned from a business trip to Memphis, TN. I had lived in Memphis when I was in my late 20’s and working for Maybelline Cosmetics (now headquartered in NYC). It was nice to be able to visit with old friends in the evenings and over the weekend.

One such friend is a soon-to-be 90 year old friend named Julie May. She and her now deceased husband, Rudy, had befriended me when I was a young, single, working woman, living far away from family. They became like another set of grandparents to me. In fact, once a week, I would go over to their house for a home cooked meal. We would do ceramics in the evening, making all sorts of cool stuff in her basement art studio. I would spend the night, and in the morning I would get dressed and go to work. Three years of this weekly tradition and we became lifelong friends.

Julie May was widowed a few years ago, following the loss of her husband of 60+ years to cancer. Two years ago, she took a nasty fall down her staircase, breaking her shoulder and badly injuring herself. That event was a turning point for her independence. She would now require more care. She and her family decided that it was time to move to an assisted living facility.

Fortunately, her husband had spent his entire career in the insurance business, and made every possible provision for his wife and family. They were frugal, money-wise people who saved and invested for their future. As a result, Julie May is able to afford a very nice facility and excellent care in her senior years.

I try to visit Julie May at least once a year, spending a few days with her on each trip. People think that I am her daughter or granddaughter. She calls me her “best friend.”

When I’m with her, I focus my energy and attention around being fully present for her. The pace of life slows down.  We sit and talk for long periods of time. I take her for a stroll in her wheel chair, sometimes around the block, other times just to the balcony. There’s value in feeling the wind in your hair and the sun on your face. The sounds of the birds mingle with the sounds of traffic.

We play games and do crafts. This trip, I introduced her to Scrabble, but it was too slow and boring for her. The game Bananagrams was a little more exciting for her. I could sense her brain being exercised and activated. I could share my love of words and language with her through this crossword game. Using our creativity, we even made up a few words. What the heck!

The Game of LIFE, a popular board game published in 1960, is a great metaphor for the preparation and luck required to age gracefully. You either end up in the old folks home or at millionaire estates, or pooch palace as shown in this “dog edition” of The Game of LIFE.

Of course, Julie May and her new neighbors also love to play BINGO. The room is crowded with seniors at their bi-weekly evening event. She has a Bingo buddy, Alan, who saves a seat for her next to him. They each play two cards at a time. They are rewarded with Bingo Bucks that they can use at the facility’s “Market” that is set up every Wednesday. I got lucky and won two games that evening. I have a new appreciation for the brain value of Bingo …… tracking numbers, letters, using your visual and auditory and kinesthetic senses. Bingo is  a fun workout…..even the pets like it!

There’s no occupation quite like living
On my flight out to Memphis, I sat next to a most amazing woman, Lisa Sullivan. She is completing her degree in occupational therapy. She is 54 years young and preparing for her 3rd major career. She was traveling to attend a convention for occupational therapists along with the “kids” – as she referred to her fellow students, all whom were much younger than her.

I asked her to explain what occupational therapy was and how it differed from physical therapy or recreational therapy. She told me that occupational therapy was about creating purpose in someone’s life through doing. Everything we do, all the actions we take, our daily routines – all help to give us a sense of purpose and meaning in our life.

I told her about the 2004 movie, The Flight of the Phoenix, recalling one line of a conversation between two characters, Frank Towns (played by actor Dennis Quad) and Liddle ( played by actor James Scott Campbell).

“I think a man only needs one thing in life. He just needs someone to love. If you can’t give him that, then give him something to hope for. And if you can’t give him that, just give him something to do.”

A few inspiring and humorous quotes to help us all age more gracefully.

“Old age ain’t no place for sissies.” ~Bette Davis

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” ~ Mark Twain

“None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm.” ~Henry David Thoreau

“Age, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.” ~Anonymous

“Life is like a roll of toilet paper; the closer you get to the end, the faster it goes!!” ~ Anonymous

My recent visit to Julie May’s assisted living facility made me realize the value of living, no matter how old you are, or what your physical or mental condition. Love, hope, friends, occupational and recreational doing…they give  purpose to your life, as well as the will and dignity to keep going. To keep on keeping on…