In my last blog post, I shared strategies for giving and receiving feedback at work. I was feeling pretty savvy until the feedback that I had asked for on my article started coming in. Suddenly, I was feeling puny.

The nature of the feedback that I received on my blog post was pretty innocuous. Things like typos and writing style suggestions. These were changes that I could either implement right away, or work on over time. They would help to make me a better writer. That’s good.

Some of the feedback I received came via email, from people I didn’t know very well. You see, I asked about 10,000 people at once for their feedback. I was not discriminating in who I asked. People will say things on social media and on email that they probably wouldn’t say to you face to face. You also can’t read their body language or gauge their vocal expression to add context and meaning. Factors such as who, where, and how made a difference in my feedback experience.

Still I wonder, why did it hit me so hard? Was I just being sensitive? Was the timing bad for me? Did I not follow the 5-step strategy for receiving feedback (note: I only did the fifth step, which was to say “thank you for your feedback.” I didn’t ask for specific examples – step #3)

Then I remembered that while I had shared strategies for giving and receiving feedback, I did not include a strategy for how to ask for feedback. This is the third step in the feedback loop: 1) to give feedback; 2) to receive feedback; and 3) to ask for feedback.

There is an art to asking for feedback in a way that gets you what you need to move forward in your personal and professional development. Here’s the process that I came up with:

Here’s an example of how you might use the 8-step process to help you to prepare for a major presentation:

1. Know your goal. You have been working on your voice inflection, trying to leverage more vocal power when you make presentations. You know that your voice sounds shaky when you are nervous, and have been working on relaxation techniques and vocal warm ups to improve the quality of your voice.
2. Ask someone you trust and respect. Your boss is a decent presenter, but not great one. You have always admired the voice and presentation skill of a colleague who works in another department. You feel that she be better suited to advise you on your voice and give you constructive feedback and suggestions.
3. Ask them in advance of your performance. You approach her a week before the major presentation. You ask her if she’ll sit in on the presentation (and maybe even be in the mock audience of your practice presentation) and give you constructive feedback. While you are open to her other comments, you are particularly looking for feedback on how effectively you used your voice and what you can do to improve its impact.
4. Decide when/where you will have the feedback conversation. You set a date a day after the major presentation to get together. You find a way to audio or video record the presentation (smart phone to the rescue) so that you can both use this as a reference tool in your review meeting.
5. Ask for specific examples and ideas. During your in person feedback session, you ask her to identify specific areas in which you used your voice effectively, and other times when your voice shrank or undermined your message or credibility. You ask her to demonstrate the vocal techniques that she shares. You repeat what she does and enjoy an impromptu coaching and training session with her. You both laugh and have a good time with this.
6. Thank them. Although you already thanked her in advanced when she agreed to help you with this feedback request, you thank her at the end of your review meeting. Even though it may have been difficult to receive this particular feedback, you know that it is for your professional development and personal betterment. You make a note to drop her a handwritten thank you card (mailing it to her home, with a real stamp on the envelope. Now that will impress her!)
7. Decide what you want to do with the feedback. She shared quite of bit of feedback with you. Some of it appeared to fit her goals more than yours. Other parts were really relevant to where you are and where you need to be. You decide consciously to implement some of her suggestions. You decide to shelve other ideas for later. Some ideas go in the trash bin in your mind. Even though you asked for the feedback and she gave it to you, you know that you are not obligated to do everything she suggests. You are the captain of your (career) ship.
8. Keep them in the loop on your progress. Because you value her as a colleague and are grateful for her helpful feedback, you reach out to her every so often. You give her short progress reports on how you are doing with your presentations and how her feedback helped you grow and develop as a speaker/presenter. You share other presentation resources and ideas with her. You continue to develop your professional relationship with her, as she is a resource for you, possibly as a future mentor or adviser. Or vice versa.

Put this idea into action

Reflect on the primary skill set or behavioral change you have been working on, or thinking about working on for some time now. Think about who is in the best position to give you feedback on your progress and development needs. It may be the obvious players – those closest to you, like your boss, your spouse, your customer. Or it may be some other “expert” that you admire who sees your work, but does not have a vested interest in the outcome.

Approach the selected person and follow the 8 steps in the strategy for asking for feedback. You can even share the strategy steps with him/her, so you are operating from the same road map.

Schedule the feedback session, complete the “performance” (i.e., the presentation, the meeting, the behavior, etc.), and don’t chicken out. Play this one full out and wring every bit of value out of it.

Take notes during the feedback session. Afterwards, file it in the folder (physical or electronic) that you use to prepare for your annual performance review with your boss.

Asking for feedback, receiving it and then using it to improve yourself demonstrates that you are an engaged employee who takes personal responsibility for his/her growth and development.

Asking for feedback takes courage. Implementing the feedback that you receive to improve yourself takes confidence. And when the positive results roll in, feel free to bask in a little glory.

I have the courage and the confidence to ask for feedback.

It is a gift that will help me grow personally and professionally.

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