When you go out to a restaurant with a client, prospect or networking contact, what’s more important:

• the lunch or the business?
• the food/drink or the relationship?
• your cell phone or the live conversation?

Where do you put your attention?

Eating isn’t the primary purpose of the meal – it’s business

Too often the focus of a business lunch is on the food – the eating portion of the event. Yet, the real agenda should be on the business and the relationship, not the satiation of your hunger (or how important you can look with your iPhone and instant messaging dexterity).

I recently consulted two business executives and one author/speaker in my professional network to find out more about the do’s and don’ts of business dining. There are plenty of books and articles on the topic, but I wanted to get a business leader’s perspective. Here’s what they had to say:

Have an agenda in mind

Adriaan is a senior executive for a Fortune 100 company and has lived and conducted business in multiple countries over his career. He has an international perspective that I respect. He generously shared a couple of sensible ideas to help you conduct a good business dinner:

• Some people/culture see the business meal as having something to eat, more often it is a continuation of the business meeting
• If you see it as business meeting, think about what you want to discuss (have an agenda in your mind)
• I would not discuss pricing and contract details over the meal
• You will have a better business dinner if you can sit in a quiet area or have a separate room in the restaurant
• Often we spend a lot of time deciding what food to pick, especially with a large group. I would have a menu with options and wine selected
• If you want to cover several items you need to have a multi-course meal
• Seating is critical, pre-arrange it or you direct it

Think BWM when you sit down to eat with clients

Cynthia Tidwell, the President/CEO of Royal Neighbors of America insurance company, told me that she has had people eating off her bread plate more times than she likes to recall. The problem here is that most people are confused as to which bread plate and which water glass is theirs. They sit there until someone takes the lead.

Cynthia shared with me an easy memory aid for identifying which dishes belong to you. It’s called BMW. 

• Bread-Middle-Water.  Your bread plate will be to the left, your main plate is in the middle, your water glass is to your right.

Other business dining tips from Cynthia include:

• Have a little small talk before you place your order to put your guests at ease. Once your food order is placed, get down to the business discussion.
• Don’t wait until the dessert if you have an important ask to make. You will run out of time to discuss the issues and opportunities. Bring it up early in the business meal (especially if it’s over lunch).
• When the wait staff arrives with your food, stop talking business until they are done serving. This is important for confidentiality
• Be time sensitive, especially during a business lunch
• Don’t drink too much
• Don’t argue…about anything.

Who should pay for the meal?

There is always that awkward moment at the end of the meal when you are trying to figure out how to settle the bill. Should you go dutch and split the bill? Should you pick up the tab? How will you feel if they pick up the tab? Is there a company policy about entertainment with vendors or clients?

Business Etiquette expert and author/speaker Barbara Pachter advises that the host is the person who did the inviting, and that person pays the bill—regardless of gender. She urges us to be gracious and not to fight about the bill or offer to pay the tip.

Smooth operators may want to arrange a pre-payment of the bill with the restaurateur so there is no awkwardness or confusion at the end of the meal. This also saves time.

Ultimately it is about your table manners

“It’s really the art of manners,” Cynthia told me. She thinks it may also be a generational issue, as many younger professionals that she has interacted with suffer from poor business dining skills. She suspects that parents are not teaching their children good table manners at home. This is where it all starts.

I am seeing more and more colleges and universities address these issues with special business dining etiquette courses. I spoke at a Career Summit at Bay Path College in Massachusetts  last January – a requirement to graduate! My program was on the importance of networking and building mutually-beneficial relationships throughout your life. Immediately following my program was a etiquette/dining course. Smart!

Additional Resources

Here are some more resources to help you master the business lunch and business dinner:

• 8 Business Meal Blunders by Barbara Pachter. Download and read carefully and then commit to clean up your own table manners. Your business outcome could be at stake.
• See this Check List from the Career Services Center of the University of Delaware: Business Dining Etiquette
• Mind Your Manner article by Duncan Malvin that appeared in the Dec 3, 2005 National Post contains great information

Your Networking Goal for this week

Increase your awareness of and effort in how you conduct yourself at the table this week. Practice in your home at your own kitchen table. Improve your table manners. Restrain yourself from talking with your mouth full. Take smaller bites. Use your napkin appropriately. Be more elegant with your food. Know which bread plate is yours (remember BMW).

Remember how you conduct yourself during a business lunch or dinner can have everything to do with the outcome. Your behavior (conscious or unconscious) will either open up new opportunities or shut them down licitly split.

• Now teach your children good table manners and etiquette. Their careers and future livelihoods may be at stake.