I had the opportunity last week to work with Leesa Wallace, The Performance Architect. She is an expert in leadership and management learning strategy, curriculum design, and program facilitation. During a pilot program, she introduced a concept that I found fascinating – Eye Connection. With her permission I would like to share it with you on this blog.

Beyond the basics of eye contact

Eye connection is the intentional practice of communicating one thought to one person. You decide ahead of time whose eyes you are going to look at as you communicate your thought.

Leesa’s mantra is: One Thought – One Person.

What your eyes do when you communicate

What you do with your eyes sends powerful messages to the people you are with. You may not even be aware of what your eyes are doing when you communicate with people.

It’s very interesting to observe someone’s eye patterns. Eye movements provide clues as to how people process and access information in their brains. Eye movements will reveal where they go to search for stored data in their mental files, and how they formulate responses to questions or situations at work. You might even be able to detect when they are telling a lie, by watching their eye movements very closely.

What I notice most often is when people divert their eyes at critical moments in communication and how that lessens their credibility and power.

Think about how often your eyes flick away right at the moment of truth. For example what do you do with your eyes when you give your recommendation, ask for the order, or ask for a pay raise?

When you speak or listen to others speak, what are the actions of your eyes?

• Do your eyes move rapidly – scanning the room?
• Do you look at the floor or at the ceiling?
• Do you eyes ping pong from side to side?
• Do you stare off into space?
• Do you defocus your eyes and appear to look at nothing at all?
• Do you look into someone’s eyes?

Why and how eye connection works so well

The Situation:

Stimulus comes in from the eyes or ears and goes immediately to your brain. When you look at a group of people, your instinct is to move your eyes rapidly to take them all in. This stimulates the eyes.

The faster the eyes move, the faster your brain has to work to take in the information. This can result in feeling more nervous, speaking too quickly, going blank, or not thinking clearly.

Eye Connection fundamentals:

The idea behind Eye Connection is to talk to one person at a time, one thought at a time. A thought is a short, declarative statement (not a question).

In a remote situation or on conference calls, the eye connection skill becomes even more important, especially since we tend to speed up virtually. I suggest that you find three or four objects in the room and finish your thoughts with ‘them.’ Sounds weird. Actually, it works.

After finishing a thought, PAUSE. Then begin your next thought, looking at another person’s eyes.

Do not stare. Finishing a thought with someone is speaking to them, not staring at them. It allows you to read the audience and adjust your message, if necessary.

Who will you start your eye connection with?

This is an important decision and often one not even considered before we open our mouths. So as you prepare the opening remarks of your presentation or your business meeting you are facilitating, give some strategic thought as to WHO you will be looking at when you say your words.

If you are sitting at a conference table with people to your right, to your left and straight ahead of you, observe the eye connections being made around the room. When it’s your turn to speak, lead, or respond, practice good eye connection. Take your time to shift your body to face the person you want to make the eye connection with. Then speak. You will be amazed at the power that this nonverbal communication has on them…and on you.

Uncomfortable at first

Leesa Wallace shared with the participants enrolled in her “Presenting with Impact” one day course:

“At first, the skill of eye connection doesn’t feel natural. But with practice and experience you will come to discover its power and utility.” – Leesa Wallace

Eye connection helps you to reduce nervousness and allows you to better connect with your audience. Using the eye connection strategy also slows you down when you speak, giving your brain time to process, and your audience time to absorb your ideas.

Put this idea into action

The next time you preparing for a meeting or presentation, make a decision as to whom you will make eye connection with when you begin speaking. Be very intentional about this. Before you speak, turn your body and your eyes to face this person. Then speak. One thought delivered on this one person. Don’t rush, take your time. Pause before moving on.

Practice this eye connection strategy is everyday situations where you are speaking and communicating with others.

Try the eye connection strategy when you are on conference calls. Pull up the LinkedIn profile of the person you are speaking to on the telephone and look at their photo as you speak to them over the telephone. Or post colored sheets of paper around your office and use these as objects to direct your eye connection to when participating in or leading tele-sessions. Make eye connection part of your virtual communication strategy.

Lastly, observe what other people do with their eyes when they communicate. Don’t judge it, just observe it. Observe the impact that this important aspect of nonverbal communication has on you and your colleagues.

And remember the mantra: One thought – One person.