In the 
past few months, several of my friends have experienced major life transitions: death of a spouse, job loss, divorce, empty nesting, retirement. I have watched them as they struggle emotionally, spiritually and physically with the change.
I’ve also been in a challenging transitional period for the past 3 years. In many ways it has shaken my sense of self. The healing process has taken much longer than I anticipated, but I’ve grown from it.
Thank goodness for friends – new and old – that you can tap into during these times of major transition. They can help us find our way when we get lost. They can help us rebuild our confidence and self-esteem, and refocus our attention on building our futures, not agonizing over our pasts.
This week, I am delighted to feature my friend and fellow Soroptimist, Susan Levine, as our guest contributor. Susan recently retired from a long and successful career as a Cantor. She has reinvented herself and opened a new business helping women reshape their lives after major life transitions. She is a gifted counselor, a wise sage, and a wonderful friend to ride-share with when going to meetings and conferences. Everyone needs a Susan Levine in their lives!
As you read this article, think about the times in your life when you lost your way after a major transition (expected or unexpected). Susan shares her wisdom and strategies for managing through major life transitions, including divorce, retirement, empty nesting, loss of loved one, major illness, job loss. She uses the metaphor of the GPS mapping command that tells you to RECALCULATE when you get lost.
Please share this with people in your network who may be in the midst of a major transition.
Recalculating: A Transition Road Map
By Susan Levine, MA, LPC
For as long as I can remember, I have been a directionally challenged person! For some unknown reason, it is not in my make-up to be able to get myself from one place to another without getting lost.
To accommodate this fact, when I am going to a new address, I give myself extra time, arm myself with MapQuest and Google directions, pack my patience and for good measure, plug in Garmin! I know that one or another of these plus my persistence and perseverance, will get me to my destination and home again…eventually.
Through my counseling work with women in transition and my own life experiences, I have come to understand that the road to home, our inner home, is about restoring balance, center and groundedness when our lives have been turned upside down and inside out by changes such as divorce, job loss, career transition, bereavement or retirement.
Traveling through the loss
The path of recalculating during transition begins with absorbing and moving through our loss. Life passages occur at various times in our lives. A widow struggles to make sense out of the loss of a life partner. In the depths of her sadness, she may feel hopeless and immobilized. “Who am I without my spouse. How can I go on without him?”
Maybe you are approaching retirement. Readiness for retirement is not just about finances and age. It is also about the quality of your life, both in health and wellbeing. Retirement challenges our identity. All too often, we define ourselves only in terms of what we do. “Without my work identity, who am I?” Grieving the loss of what was is necessary before we can begin to imagine new possibilities.
Let me introduce you to Claudia. After 30 years of marriage, her husband has left her and she finds herself divorced. She desperately wants to know how this could have happened. She is angry, lost, alone and feeling very vulnerable.
Pat has just been laid off after 25 years with his company. He is 55 years old and experiencing the fear and frustrations of looking for work in an employment world that does not value experience and maturity. His sense of self worth has plummeted and his motivation, in the face of repeated rejection, is dwindling rapidly.
Circumstances differ, but the process is the same
“How strange that the nature of life is change, yet the nature of human beings is to resist change. And how ironic that the difficult times we fear might ruin us are the very ones that can break us open and help us blossom into who we were meant to be.”
– Elizabeth Lesser, Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow
The circumstance of our life passages may be different, each having their unique aspects, but the recalculating, re-defining and re-directing remain the same. Values, beliefs, personal histories, traits and coping mechanisms all come into play during the process.
Our first reaction to the assault of emotional pain and loss in transition is likely to be the desire to hide under the covers and avoid facing it. Old self-defeating messages from our past may heighten this desire for avoidance. Re-defining and re-calculating cannot happen until we have allowed our feelings and traveled through them.
We can feel lost and adrift, not knowing where we are going and pondering how we ever got to this point. The sense of direction and security that we once depended on is gone.
Before healing can begin we need to be in touch with our inner selves and all that is bubbling beneath the surface. With professional help we can grieve our losses, come to a far greater understanding of ourselves and begin the process of building a new life.
The gift of transition
Transitions, changes, and life passages occur throughout our lives. It is a continual challenge and process that can hold great promise for learning, growth and fulfillment. Yes, I got lost and had to make unexpected detours in my life. I worked through grief, anger, loss and self-doubt not just once, but several times.
My journey to this point has had many twists and turns. I have come through each life passage having gained a greater understanding of myself and a discovery of new direction. It has been the hardest work I have ever done.
My counseling practice, Women Reshaping Lives, LLC, is dedicated to supporting and guiding women through major life transitions. I understand the journey because I have been there too.
Roadmap for change
Here are some steps that I believe are the foundation for finding our way through life journeys. They are pathways to healing, self-discovery and new possibilities of what our next destination might be.
- Identify and grieve your losses and what you are leaving behind. Before you can move forward, you need to mourn what was.
- Engage in your own personal process of letting go. Everyone has his or her own timetable.
- Learn how your history and self-beliefs influence your approach to change. Use this awareness to help move emotional roadblocks out of your way.
- Gather your support system around you, those that are non-judgmental and honest with you. Allow family, friends and professionals to help you.
- Nurture your new experiences and evolving self-identity. Be your own cheerleader.
- Follow your own pace. Allow yourself patience self-care and humor.
Knowing and celebrating your authentic self
We are all the sum total of all of our experiences, our traits and characteristics. The opportunity to get to know our authentic self is the gift of making it through the journey. That persistence and perseverance of mine has helped me grow my resiliency and coping skills. What are your gifts that will help you find the way when you are re-calculating?
“How strange that the nature of life is change, yet the nature of human beings is to resist change. And how ironic that the difficult times we fear might ruin us are the very ones that can break us open and help us blossom into who we were meant to be.”
– Elizabeth Lesser, Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow
About Susan Levine, MA, LPC
Susan’s journey of life transitions includes being a professional singer, music teacher, 
synagogue clergy person and pastoral counselor. She has facilitated Employment Transitions Support Groups for Jewish Family Services of Greater Hartford. All of these experiences led in 2012 to the creation of Women Reshaping Lives, LLC, her private counseling practice for women in transition. She is happily and proudly a wife, mother of two sons, their wives and grandma of 2-year-old Eli.
